And if you thought the rest of this site was distasteful...

Liam Neeson: Do you remember 1939? The New York World Fair opened for the first time, a new craze of goldfish-swallowing was sweeping America, and the hit films were Gone With The Wind and The Wizard Of Oz. But of course the most important event of that year was the start of The Second World War, a long-running sequel started by a small Austrian with big ambitions. So join us, BBC2 uber alles, for the next ninety minutes to learn all about the horror, the hatred, and the hairstyles from the years that peace forgot.

Stuart Maconie: At the time there were two groups: those who dressed in crappy kneelength boots and armbands who were the Nazis, and us other blokes who thought it was, well, stupid quite frankly. I mean, all that mass-genocide of the Jews, the gypsies, and the homosexuals. Well, that's not going to win you any friends, is it? Not exactly going to earn you a reputation as being Mr. Sociable.

David Irving, Holocaust historian and ex-Nazi: The Second World War? What is that?

Peter Kay: Yeah, World War II, or 'Double-You Double-You Aye Aye' as we called it, didn't really affect us in our street. 'Cept for the bombs that dropped on our 'eads every two seconds that is. 'Ey, 'twere dead exciting. All those planes and bombs and stuff, it was just like in the fillums! Wa-ha-hay!

Johnny Vegas: Weh, ah wemmmber wenn ah cud weuh bluegh spleghue an d'spooguey bleugh hann dah add mee edd kik din.

Simon Donald, editor of Viz: Coz the thing about the 'Olocaust is that it wasn't all fun and games. There was lots of terrorised people and bombed buildings and genocide and the like. Much like modern day Manchester, when ya cum ta think abow tit.

Liam Neeson: Of course when terror and genocide is mentioned, only one man's name springs to mind. No, not Des O'Connor, but that of Adolf J. Hitler.

Stuart Maconie: Adolf Hitler was a bit of an oddball, really, wasn't he? With that poncey little mustache. And his dog was called Blondi. You've got the most evil, the most murderous man who has ever lived and he's named his dog after a late-seventies disco combo. You can't exactly see Hitler getting up on the dancefloor and grooving on down to One Way Or Another, can you?

Jamie Theakson: Adolf Hitler......

Louis Theroux: I seem to recall that Hitler had a very small mustache, and I can remember wondering how he kept it so small and square. Cos I tried to grow a mustache like that once and it went all over the place. It looked like I had a small black hamster sleeping on my top lip.

Mel...: Ah, the talented Mister Hitler.

...and Sue: Or Adolf to his mates.

Mel: Good old Adolf.

Sue: Good old Addy baby. How did his theme song go again?

Mel: It was something like 'Deutchland, Deutchland, da da da-a da...'

Sue: '... catch them in your handkerchief'. Oh yeah, yeah. Great mustache.

Mel: Yeah, really straight.

Sue: Just like yours, Mel.

Mel: No, I could never get mine that straight.

Sue: Oh, that's right, yeah.

Stuart Maconie: You have to feel sorry for the poor bloke really. He tried to invade Russia once and there was a hailstorm that was so bad that he had to turn back. And as if THAT wasn't embarassing enough, he must have been reminded of it everytime somebody said 'Sieg Heil'!

Smug Roberts [who he?]: Yeah, Hitler was great.

Peter Kay: 'Itler, ooh yes. Me mam couldn't stomach 'im. Never did like men with mustaches did my mum, even though 'is was very nice, in my opinion. 'Ere, people certainly say a lot of bad things about that 'Itler bloke but, you know, 'e had very nice 'air, wot with that mustache and 'is diagonal fringe. Blummin' great. Way-hay-hay!

Llewella Gideon: I was Hitler. I WAS Hitler. When I was was younger, I used to play at being Hitler, and it was great, you know, I had a fake mustache and everything. Yeah, really great fun.

Wayne Hemingway: Hitler was always very well-dressed in my opinion. His oufit consisted of an orangey-brown jump-suit, those big black shiny boots, and some snazzy red armbands with his ensignia on them, a very stylish ensemble. All topped of by that incredibly well-maintained mustache. I think, at the time, he was many a women's sexual fantasy.

Fiona Allen: Ooh yeah, he was dead dishy, wasn't he? I used to think about me and him going of to a bunker somewhere and doing naughty things with each other. I always thought that his mustache would tickle whenever we would kiss, you know?

Kate Thornton: Adolf Hitler? Yeah, I remember him. He was my first real crush when I was at school. With that cute little mustache. And I've always fancied a man in uniform. Joseph Goebbels? Yeah, I remember him. He was my first real crush when I was at school.

Rhona Cameron: He was a bit of alright, wasnee girls, I'll say, with his tight brown chinos and kinky boots. All the girls at my school reeeaally fancied him, and so did I. Especially that trendy mustache. Mmmm, gorgeous! After the first newsreels of the rallies came out and everyone had seen his mustache, all the boys at school were trying to grow them, mostly without much success, you know!

Johnny Vegas: Yeh, dat Aduf Iller, e wazz a rye wunnker, waznee, wiv iz musdach, ann mee mawm fort e wer ded bad ann weurgh spleurghoo a'poughotey shite y'shite splooneggy rollockspangler poofowaggon, eh monkey, buy OnDigital, ya cunt, weaughosplasm epposurgh bluuuuuuaaaaargh skeeeeeblagh blaugh hann dah add mee edd kik din.

Jamie Theakson: I remember that once, when I was about three, I saw him on TV travelling 'round Minehead on a bike with Ron Vibbentrop behind him with a gramophone that played lots of people saying 'sieg heil', and he called himself Mr Hilter and... oh, hang on. Was that a joke? That might've been a joke....

David Irving: Adolf who?

Adolf Hitler and friend.

Liam Neeson: That Adolf Hitler was a gasser. Literally. And if he didn't like the look of you, you could get sent to the showers.

Stuart Maconie: Concentration camps? What was that all about?!? Putting people into a pen and forcing them to work? How could that ever have been popular? And all those people wearing vertical stripes. Everyone knows they make you look thin. Like concentration camp victims needed to look thin! The food at these places were hardly McDonald's Happy Meals and Häagen-Dazs ice cream, were they? Wasn't exactly 'The Final Solution' to having a slap-up dinner, mate, now was it?

Jamie Theakston: Concentration camps...?

Wayne Hemingway: Those costumes, vertical stripes, grey on grey, actually they were pretty stylish considering. I can see them coming back in the near future.

Simon Day: One things for sure, right, and that's that no-one cares what I have to say.

Terry Christian: Yeah, those camps, they were well freaky, weren't they? 'Ow'd they work then? People went in and didn't come out? Yeah, they were well weird.

Toyah Wilcox: Ha, yeah, those places, they were really... big, weren't they? Really, really big. Enormous. Like a Tesco's supermarket. You couldn't make another one. Uh-uh, no, they're far too big. There really isn't the space. For another Auschwitz, not another Tesco's. Ha, ha. Let's hope they never stop making those. I mean, where else would I get my bread?!?

Kate Thornton: Those concentration camps, great weren't they? My gran stayed at one once and she lost over eleven pounds. And most of her closest relatives.

John Cleese: Concentration camps? That's not a suitable topic for comedy. You see, the thing about Python was...

Fiona Allen: Mmmm, I'd just like to butt in here to say nothing of any interest whatsoever and giggle a lot, tee hee hee.

Steve Punt: And I'd just like to say something really funny and clever that will turn the preceding three minutes about it's head, and have people at home saying 'It's funny cos it's true'.

David Quantick: And I'd like to do the same, but in a less poncy voice.

Peter Kay: Concentration camps? Uh-uh, didn't get 'em round our way, they were too posh. Me dad saw one on TV once and said it was a bloody good idea, as I played wiv me train set. Ooh, me train set, 'twere grand. It had a whistle and signal points and everything, it were fab. Whay-hay-ha-ha-hay!

Jamie Theakston: I went to a summer camp once.

David Irving: What was I doing between 1939 and 1945? Er... I was, erm..... shopping. NO! No, I was watching TV. I was at the pictures! Yes, I was at the pic-... no, I was at home. Yes that's it, I was quietly at home reading my book. I stayed at home, for the full 6 years, without going anywhere, quietly reading Mein Kampf. Ooh, what a giveaway!

Stuart Maconie: Apparently six million jews were killed in the camps. Six million? That's a piddling amount! More people watch the Saturday afternoon repeat of Are You Being Served?. Six million? Delia Smith has killed more jews than that with her recipe for chocolate cheesecake.

Liam Neeson: That's the end of our programme. I hope we've all learned a little about the Holocaust. It really was chaos. To finish off the night we end with Universal Studios and Steven Spielberg's classic three-hour epic set during a time of great turmoil in Europe, the Second World War. Ladies and gentlemen, uncut and in it's original 2:35 aspect ratio, we present...

1941.

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Sorry about this article, folks. It's not in the best possible taste is it? I would just like to take this moment to point out that I don't love the Holocaust. Nor do I love the seventies. But I have to admit I found the eighties pretty nifty.

Meanwhile, over on BBC1 now, The Secret Life Of Albert Einstein, presented by TOTP2's Steve Wright.

Steve Wright: Hi there, Steve Wright here, and welcome to BBC1. For the next historical forty-five minutes we'll be looking at the crazy world of the brainy guy known as Al Einstein. He may have been the father of modern physics and created the Theory of Relativity but look at his hair!!! Looks like he's been playing with the electricity a bit too often!!! He looks like Don King's less tidy brother!!! Wacky. And now a clip of Eisenstein because his name sounds a bit similar...

Coming soon: The Video Diary Of Anne Frank.